I Always Wanted a Cyster

Not this kind though. Actually I found I have quite a few "siblings"... although they have no names yet.

About a week and a half ago I noticed a sore spot in my left breast. "Ow", I said as I scrunched my face and waited until I could find a private spot to investigate further. Holy Crap, there's a huge lump in there! Where did that come from and when did it decide to raise its ugly head???

With everything going on in my life, I tried to ignore it. Hubby broke his ankle and had to have surgery on his leg, Bossman decided to die on me, and my life suddenly got really really busy. Who has time to make an appointment. And! I didn't want to distract from the other things going on that were important at the time.

So after things seemed to settle down a bit (a very tiny bit), I got on the phone and called my doctor's office. They wanted to see me right away. Hmmm, ok. That's strange because it usually takes at least a day or two to get in to see them.

So I went in and got an exam. Before the doctor was even finished she said "Ok, which hospital do you want to go to?" WHOA THERE! Back up a bit there, missy! What do mean "hospital"? What's going on?

This particular doctor is of Indian persuasion and sometimes it's difficult to communicate. For instance, when she introduces herself, it's not "Hi, I'm Dr. Blah Blah." it's "This is Dr. Blah Blah." Which I think is kinda funny, but I tried not to laugh.

Ok, I got off on a tangent. So ANYWAY! She's looking at her watch wondering if she can get me in to the hospital that day. Let's just say I'm a little more than freaked out. It was too late for that day so she made arrangements for me as early as she could for the next morning. A biopsy, mammogram, and ultrasound were scheduled.

Holy crap. All this for one tiny little boob.

If you've ever seen the movie "My Big Fat Greek Wedding" you may remember the part where the main character's aunt tells her new in-laws about her lump. She had a lump and they did a "beebopsee" and took it out. When they took it out they found hair and a spinal cord... it was her twin. My 12yo daughter said "Hey! maybe you have a twin in your boob!" Mmm hmmm, thanks for that!

Anyway, I didn't know if I had to be admitted to the hospital, outpatient, what. I asked her if I could go do this by myself or if I needed my husband to go. With our communication barrier she says "Oh No! your husband can't do this. I can't even do this! That's why I'm sending you to the hospital!".

(sigh).... No No NO.. what I MEAN is do I have to take someone WITH me to these procedures! Ok, so we got through that issue finally.

Then she told me the lump was easy to find because "you do not have the (pause) massive (hand gestures) breasts that some women do". Uh yeah... that's pretty obvious, but thank you for pointing that out!

Since my hubby is still hobbling along on one leg and two crutches I told him he didn't have to go. I would be fine going by myself. Then one hour before I planned to leave work to head in there, I get a phone call that my Dad wants to go with me. No! No! NO! I don't want my Dad in there!!!!!! I know he means well and wanted to be there for me, but I really wasn't in the mood to have him get philosophical about my boobs!!!!!! (groan) So, because he felt that someone should be with me, poor hubby drove himself and crutched in there to meet me.

I always feel guilty when someone has to spend that kind of time on me. He couldn't go in for the mammogram or ultrasound (not sure why), but he did get to come in for the final procedure.

The mammogram showed odd things. But don't you love those little pasties they put on your nipples that have the cute and tiny bee-bee on the end? It would be more fun if they would blink. I had a difficult time getting my body close enough to the machine for it to properly squish my lack of massivity into the clamp. I couldn't find a place to put my face!!!! When I got closer, there was equipment in the way of my head and I was contorted all around just to get it in there. The tech was moving my hips, turning my waist, getting my hair out of the way (shoulda worn my cap), adjusting my arms, pulling my shoulders back and forth, trying to get my tiny boobages lying flat on the platter, and then trying to help me find a spot for my face. I asked the tech if it was easier with bigger ones and all I got was a "huh uh".

In any case, they then shipped me off to ultrasound. I was a little apprehensive when a young man came out to get me for that part. Gawd, I'm not usually shy about my boobs, but my muffin was totally spilling over the tops of my jeans and that just wasn't something I wanted to prance around showing off.

The ultrasound went ok though. The young guy was really nice and made it clear that mine was just another boob and he made sure to keep my muffin covered :-). He confirmed what was suspected and found about eight or nine cysts in that one boob! What the heck???? Two were quite large being a couple-three centimeters large. The picture I saw on the monitor looked like a ghost with two black eyes. I was supposed to get a copy, but we all forgot by the time I left there. Here's a nice example of what I saw today only there were two this size fairly close to one another.

Because cysts are benign, they told me a full biopsy would not be necessary but that they would aspirate the fluid out of the two large cysts. I said "Ok". They were quite painful and they couldn't guarantee that that pain would disappear, so we decided to suck those babies out and make them smaller.

Then to make matters worse, the doctor who came in to actually do the procedure was dang near a freaking Doogie Howser. And to top it off, he was cute too. Argh. Why couldn't I get some wrinkled old guy who had seen more boobs than Hugh Hefner? I had to keep reminding myself that I was merely another 46yo boob on the table and not to be embarrassed. It wasn't easy, but I pulled it off.

I must admit I was a little dismayed in the fact that my cysters were making my breast appear larger and I was quickly about to lose that. But I thought about my smaller and neglected right boob and realized the size difference may throw me off balance for riding, so out they come!!!!!

The worst part was probably the lidocaine they injected prior to actually sticking the looooooong (ok not so long because I do not have massive mammories) thin aspirating needles deep into my breastage. He had to stick me four times to get the two pockets of fluid. Two loads of lidocaine and then twice to aspirate. Then my boob was all swelled up because of all the painkiller in there. HA! The ultrasound guy laughed and said "See? you were worried we made you smaller, and you're bigger!" Har Har.

My best friend has some of those (pause) massive (hand gesture) breasts and she got a reduction a few years ago. We tease her about her 4" lift-kit. They are still marvelously large breasts now and we use them to our advantage. I know that sounds weird, but when we're together, they do come in handy at times.

Now I can say I had a reduction too!!!!! My cysters were basically reduced to two small gaps and with any hope they'll stay that way.

I was told to restrict my activity to "normal use" and then he said "no throwing bales". Well hell, chores ARE my normal use. He nixed that and said to go home and rest. So I did. My wonderful 12yo daughter finished show-horse chores. My friend who boards here showed up so she supervised. It all went well and although I'm sore, I'm happy that it was nothing serious.