7.5 years ago he hired me over the phone without even meeting me. He had the rep of firing "assistants" within two weeks and I was apprehensive about going there. Some co-workers teased him about being the male version of Murphy Brown.
The job title was data-entry at that time and I thought that would be a freaking piece of cake compared to the pressure of insurance sales. Cripes, I could do that in my sleep. Wellllllllll.... it quickly turned in to much more than data entry. In all honesty (and he would agree if he could tell you... I am over-qualified and under-paid).
But, he and I grew to be very close and we were an awesome team. We would argue and fight often but we always knew where one another stood. We would annoy one another to all ends and then turn around and hug because we cared.
He was upset one day in mid-December. He even fired me. I knew he was ticked off... and now I know that he had a lot on his mind and things weren't going well for him. I wish so badly that he would have let me know what was going on. I'm so glad I didn't just walk out on him. I stuck to my guns like I have always done with him and now I hope I'm making him proud by keeping the department running like he wants it run. I have a strong feeling that the day he was that mad at me, he was testing me to see if I would stick it out or run. I'm glad I didn't cave in to that. I know now that he can maybe rest in peace that I will continue his bad-ass diplomatic ways and continue to do well for the job.
His job was his life.
I was angry when he said I need to choose my priorities. I know that MY priorities are my family and horses... and my job is the way I maintain that. I realize now that his job was how he maintained his self-worth and that is what he expected of me as well. Our conflict lay where I don't live for my job, but my job allows me to live for my life. And that makes it all worthwhile.
That was our difference.
I'm still very dedicated to my job and I strive to make him proud even in his death. I will continue to work hard to keep things going as he would have done and sometimes I have to pull the bitch-card to do so... but he was succesful in that position and I will try to carry that on. He would become irritated at the passion I have for my lifestyle, but I know that it's only because he thought it distracted me from what he felt needed to be done for what he required. I have a difficult time with that.
I don't know what will happen now. I believe he groomed me to take his place when he left. We sure never thought his departure would happen this way. I made him a promise years ago that I wouldn't consider any other positions until he retired. I held my part of the bargain and now he's gone. Unless I get the support from higher-management that I need, I will be looking for another job soon. I stayed there for him, and I am highly doubtful I will be considered for his position.
My husband gets upset when I say this... but I don't have a penis. And that dingle-dangle seems to carry a lot of weight (lol that's funny) in the industry I work in. One friend told me I needed a sock. I told her "and a potatoe too". Har Har.
Now he's gone. He can't tell them "Pam can do it!" He can't tell me anything. He can't answer my questions or yell at me down the hall. I can't tell him I miss him.
He was truly a very nice man and he has tolerated me as much or more than Jay has. He has my respect and my love. I'm feeling a bit lost at the moment. He was a rock to me. That rock is now swept under the water and I feel I need to start piling pebbles to build my own rock under my feet.
I really miss you, Big Guy. I will never forget you.
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