How Do You See Yourself?

My husband and I were at a company function last weekend. A friend brought his new girlfriend whom I had never met. Hubby made some comment about "your twin over there". Once I figured out who he was talking to I guffawed. She's very cute if you like Bratz dolls. I had to laugh because I was dressed to the hilt in business suit, full makeup, perfect hair, and tall black heels. I sure don't see many Bratz dolls in that attire. Maybe if they dressed one up as an attorney-looking image???? dunno.

Most of the time I see myself as a Cabbage Patch doll. Cute, funny, a little floopy most of the time. If I sit too long, I flop over. People like to hug me, and my hair is always a mess.

The image I like to think of myself as is the strong as steel, mean as a snake, don't fuck with me type of woman. I walk around with a pissed off look on my face and little do people know that at any given moment I can burst into a gale of laughter that sails through the noise of a crowded room with the ease of goo through a goose.

If I had lived in the 1800s, I surely would be the woman with the gun. Mean and tough in a way that would make women run and make men step aside in hat-tipping admiration. Loyal to the marrow of her bones and able to dole out vengeance to those who brought harm to her loved ones. Heck... bring on 2009 because that's the way I like to think of myself. :-)

I like the fact that my husband thinks I'm a sexy trampy looking thing at times, but that's really not the image I'm shooting for.

Gimme the gun ;-)

Gotta Have It... WANNA Have It

For all my riding life, I've hauled around a 2-horse bumper pull trailer and that was GREAT! Dad bought a small blue and white something or other that I pulled the heck out of in my teens and that dang thing is still around. It has been sandblasted, repainted, painted again, the floor replace, a door replaced because a 2yo and I managed to rip it off the hinges and it still keeps on kicking. I've taken it down the road and patched tire leaks with bubble gum.

We since bought another 2-horse bumper pull that is much newer and much taller than my old stand-by, but it still doesn't help when Jay, Ness, and I all wish to go ride together. When we all go, or Ness needs more than two horses at a show that means we hook up two vehicles and hit the road.

Wellllllll that just doesn't make much sense, does it now? Noooooooooooooo! you might say in chorus with my sing-songing.

Sooooooooo! I've been on the lookout for a good deal on an ultra nice big-ass trailer! (grin)

I am convinced that we need LQ because let's face it... when we're at a show there are times when you just need to hide out, plop your butt down somewhere out of the sun, in the cool air, and close the door. In addition, if you wish to drive more than two hours away from home for an adventurous trail-ride, it would be really cool if you could just pull up, hook up, and plan to camp out for the night, relax, maybe ride some more in the morning and then head home! Am I right? huh? HUH?

So here I found the PERFECT trailer for us. It's a 30' long 5 horse with ultimate LQ for a very reasonable price. Jay is ever-so hesitant about spending money and he thinks that we can still get by with the 2-horse and sleep in the bed of the truck. That's fine and dandy with me, but omgosh! I have friends who like to go toooooooo!

So I decided that if I get this trailer, then Deb, Marie, Clarissa, and I can easily fit in the gooseneck bed, the girls can comfortably sleep on the fold-out sofabed and Jay, Dan, and Rich can hear us just fine when they are either in the cab of the truck or in sleepy-bags in a tent outside the LQ door lmao.

So what's the argument???????? Heck! I sure can't figure it out!

He thinks that this is too much trailer to pull with our 3/4T pickup. Pshaw I say. When we first got married he bought a giant 3/4T and I saw no need for it. His reasoning was the fact that someday we may need to pull something.

TA DAAAAAAAAA! Now we have a different 3/4T but it still has the same destiny, right?

In any case (wow, I say that a lot)..... I think I need this trailer. Doo and I look so good in the window! and my horses look happy peeking out drop-downs. Yes, I do believe it's destiny. :-)

Toot! Toot!

There are some things in life that you just can't help but laugh at. Farts happen to be one of those wonders of nature that almost never fail to entertain. It's cute when a baby farts, little boys make it a finely-honed skill, little girls "fluff" (ok, most little girls... the little girls I know can rip them with the best of the boys). Men are proud of their creations and women usually wrinkle their noses in disgust.

Deep down I do believe that although there is nose-wrinkling by women who call themselves "ladies" you can't tell me that they haven't lifted a leg in a good rip-roar a time or two and then laughed wishing someone was around to share it with!

My aunt and grandma used to go to the Bingo Hall and sneak farts as they walked by people. It was a game for them to turn and watch as the others tried to identify who was rank enough to let one of those rockstars loose in a crowd.

They would discuss the fact that sometimes if you fart while wearing pantyhose, the little bubble of scents would creep up your buttcrack seeking an escape route. Gawd I miss them!

A guy here at work who is usually slightly refined-acting coughed and farted simultaneously the other day as he walked down the hall. Trying not to point and laugh is a very difficult thing for me. It reminded me of a wonderful toy a friend sent though.

Turn up your speakers and enjoy!

http://www.fart-sounds.net/fart_sound_board.htm

O'er the Fields We Go....!

I went to the barn tonight to check on Mikey's eye. It looks GREAT! I didn't even put the eye cream on because it looks so normal and fine that I didn't think it needed it. The sutures are loosening up and I believe in a few days I may attempt to take them out!

I spotted my jinglebells hanging on a hook. Hmmm.

Last year at this time I told Jay that all I wanted for Christmas was a string of jingle-bells. Sooo he went to the tack and feed store of the one and only Brenda Messick! and she lined him up with a beautiful set of jingles just for me!

That night he presented them to me and I immediately ran out to try them on my Johnnie. He didn't give a flip. I grabbed his bridle and Jay caught Buck and we went for a moonlit snow ride with my bells a dingling.

When we got back to the yard, Jay slid off Buck and I stood there holding both horses. I slipped the bells off Johnnie's neck and slipped them on to Buck. Then I hopped across from Johnnie to Buck and we mosied around the yard for a while. It was so fun!

Buck was wondering "(yawn) what now?" and Johnnie was bored lol. I do love the photo Jay got of us that night though. It's special because EVERY picture of Johnnie is special.

Tonight I snagged my bells off the hook and jinged them at Mike. He looked at them, but didn't flinch. I touched him with them... nothing. So I slipped them over his head. LOL... nothing.

Once he realized there was something ON him that was making noise he backed up. When he got to the wall he figured he should investigate so he turned his head around to see if they were something he could eat. The pictures are sucky because of barn orbs, but he pleased me by his tolerance of one more new thing.

Maggie did NOT like them (snort). I hung them in her stall while I was out there. I jingled them at her. I tossed them on the ground so she could investigate on her own. Nope... nothin' doin'. There was no panic but there was certainly no "Ooooo look at the purdies" either.

Man, it was cold out though. Even in the barn I was freezing, so our jingle lesson was cut short by my lack of insulation. Next time! coveralls :-)

NO WAY!

HA! Fooled ya!

It's 9:35 p.m. and unless the Men in Black come busting through my door while I sleep, it appears I made it through Day 3 without a run-in with the law. YAYAYAYAYAY (does happy dance!)

I always heard bad things come in threes so I was just certain some badged crime-fighter would be found lurking behind the corners of my circle. Are there pills prescribed for paranoia? If so... sign me up. :-)

I really want one of those hats. It would go great with my "Security" sweatshirt! Ohhh Santa!!!!!!!!!!!

What Next? FB freakin' I????

So here I am, MINDING my own business driving home from work. I pass a State Patrol car, look down at my spedometer and don't think I'm speeding. The car turns around and follows my rear end. Omg Omg.... what the hell did I do NOW??????????????

Trying not to drive in a paranoid fashion I flick on my cruise control in case I have a knee-jerk reaction and hit the accelerator by accident. It doesn't matter because one-half mile later "woo woo" and the lights come on in my rearview mirror.

AAAAAAAAGHHHHHHHHHHH!

I rarely RARELY get stopped for vehicular misdemeanors. WHAT NOW????????? (waaaaaaaaaah).

I roll my window down and ask sweetly (oh crap.. it's a woman officer... that's great, JUST great) "What did I do?"

She says "I'll tell you after you show me your license, registration, and insurance."

Um.. ok.

I had already unbuckled my seatbelt, which I realized I shouldn't have because I was asked about it. Then I had to contort myself across the console in order to try to pretend I was Stretch Armstrong to reach my tiny purse that had fallen on the floor-board and slid to the furthest depths and lengths of my truck that had suddenly doubled in width. Then I couldn't get my glove box open because a CD case had jammed inside it. I turned to the lady-cop and tried to give her my best "hee hee" smile. She wasn't amused.

I found my info and to my dismay.... NOTHING CURRENT WAS IN MY LITTLE PACKET!

Omg.... I'm so freaking going to jail... why meeeeeeeeeeeee? WHY MEEEEEEEEEEEE?

I stuttered and murmurred around as she gazed at me with non-interest at my stammering. So she took what I had on me and went back to her car. I think I sang the theme to Jeopardy more than 50 times as I tried to pretend I was calm and relaxed.

They really don't care that you "oops forgot" to put the stinkin info in your vehicle. So now I have a stinkin' court date. JAY'S FAULT!

She laughed when I asked "Can my husband go in my place since he usually takes care of this and I feel it's his fault?" (as I try to smile as sweetly as a woman can smile at a woman without being punched in the face). She laughed and said that that would probably be ok since his name is on the title anyway.

But HEY! She didn't bust me for speeding!!!!!!!!! :-D

If I see men in black walking toward me tomorrow, I will surely shit my pants.

Gift Horse

I always heard you shouldn't look a gift horse in the mouth. I never really knew what it meant until tonight but my gawd it made me laugh when I saw it! Ok, so that's really not what it means, but it was certainly entertaining to me.

Mikey is notorious for trying to grab articles of clothing off your body or anything you lay around. I've been working on space issues with him because I really don't want him to be a puppy-dog who thinks he can sit on my lap and get his belly rubbed. We brought him home in late June or early July and he's been affectionate. Since we've put him in the barn to recover from eye surgery he's been horribly/wonderfully affectionate!

Jay thinks it's funny. I'm laughing at Jay waiting for him to get pissed and yell when he gets his ear bitten off lol. We will then have to change his name to Earl and drop the L.

Last night Mike tried to snatch Jay's hat off his head. Tonight Mike was nosing Jay's ear. I gave a loud "ahem".... and reminded him "remember the feel of his teeth on the bill of your cap?... well that's what you're going to feel ON YOUR EAR if you continue to think this is funny!"

It was really funny though. Mike and Jay were making kissy lips at one another. To all you horse personality analysis folks.. what exactly does this mean?????? To me I see "Gross, your ear tastes icky and your breath stinks." (shrug) But it's still FREAKING CUTE LOLOLOL.

Mike's eye is healing really really well (as you can see in the photos) and I really have to wonder what type of horse he'll grow in to. I read someone else's blog today about puppy-dog horses and how a woman taught her weanling how to jump up and put it's front legs on her shoulders. Dumb woman didn't stop to think that the was going TO GROW! I won't let Mike do that because, let's face it... he'd squarsh me.

I DO look forward to his curious and friendly behaviour though. I had my doubts about him for a while. He grew a giant hay belly and he was such a goofball looking thing that I was wondering if I would win the Fugly award if I ever took him anywhere. He's really blossoming right now though. Funny that an injury brought this out in him. Weird.

But Mike is so fun and cute, and he is beginning to respect my elbow in his face. Now if I can convince him that Jay's lips really aren't that fascinating we'll be good to go lmao.

Enjoy the photos. :-)